


Don't Give Me Up

by 46captain46



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, This is pretty much the ball where alex meets the sisters but from john's point of view, just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/46captain46/pseuds/46captain46
Summary: ~And that’s when he hears Burr.“If you can marry a Schuyler, you’re rich.” His smile resembles a cat’s and John doesn’t like it one bit.“Is it a question of if, or which one?” Alexander retorts, his own smile resembling Aaron’s. John just clenches his teeth. It wasn’t like it was something new, but heartbreak is heartbreak no matter how many times you experience it.~John has to witness the love of his life as he searches for a wife. Things don't go quite as planned.





	Don't Give Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> I can't say this is my first fanfic for this fandom but it's definitely the first published one. So! I hope you enjoy it!   
> Disclaimer: the musical belongs to Lin Manuel Miranda, and therefore, I only own my imagination.

Everyone is dancing. The candlelight illuminates the room, giving off a calm vide, an ethereal glow. The smiles on people’s faces are bright and lively. You can hear the joy in the room, the laughter that fills these four walls.

John doesn’t feel all that joyous. There’s a feeling in his gut that he can’t ignore. It has been circling around his stomach for a while now and he’s dreading the moment he’ll find out the reason behind it.

Lafayette and Hercules are laughing and drinking, flirting lightly. He shakes his head. They have been dancing around each other for as long as he can remember but they are still too afraid to take it a step further. 

They will eventually, though, he knows it.

With that thought his eyes fall back on Alexander, his best friend. Hamilton’s eyes scan the crowd, lingering on the little details as they always have. His gaze is shining, his back rigid and ready for the night. He is beautiful among the dancing figures and the soft light caressing his skin.

John feels a pang in his chest as he realizes how close Alex is.

How far away he is.

The feeling only grows stronger from then on. He swallows thickly as he turns his head in a desperate attempt to stop thinking about him.

And that’s when he hears Burr.

“If you can marry a Schuyler, you’re rich.” His smile resembles a cat’s and John doesn’t like it one bit.

“Is it a question of if, or which one?” Alexander retorts, his own smile resembling Aaron’s. John just clenches his teeth. It wasn’t like it was something new, but heartbreak is heartbreak no matter how many times you experience it.

Alex moves forward, heading towards the oldest sister and John is left behind, fists clenched and eyes hurting as the two smile and laugh.

They start dancing, having their arms wrapped around each other. Angelica’s are on his shoulders and his rest lightly on her waist. Something clenches inside of John and he wills his eyes to leave the two, look anywhere else but them.

The bad feeling intensifies as the minutes pass and when he focuses back on him, he can see him smiling and blushing in front of the younger sister. His heart starts beating faster, louder, the abnormal rhythm drowning him in its waves.

Alex is chatting happily with her too and he can feel his eyes begin to sting.

So many times. He’s had to watch him break his heart over and over again and he doesn’t even notice.

But this time it’s worse. This time Alexander is aiming to marry one of them, and the nails digging in his palms are proof enough of how much that kills his heart.

He feels a hand on his shoulder. He considers shaking it off for a moment but decides against it when he realizes he doesn’t have the energy to.

He turns around to be faced with a worried Lafayette.

“Are you alright?” he asks, French accent bleeding into his words once again.

John just nods and smiles and prays it looks believable because words are failing him. The other man’s eyebrows are furrowed but he doesn’t push him any further. He knows how much Alex’s antics hurt Laurens but he doesn’t have the right to make him talk about it by force. He’s hurting enough as it is.

“Talk to him.” he says instead and lets his hand drop. John swallows thickly and gives a weak nod.

He won’t.

Alex and Eliza – the younger Schuyler – are now dancing.

He will.

As they slow down, he makes his way towards him. He’ll just tell him to be careful. Just that. Nothing more.

His cheeks feel wet and his hand immediately comes up to touch his face. He draws in a shaky breath and wipes the tears that have streamed down.

_Why him?_

The question has been bugging him for a long time now. Why was it that his heart had chosen Alexander over everyone else?

He shakes his head. It’s not the time to start this again.

John taps Alex’s shoulder lightly and the taller man turns around smiling brightly.

“Yes, John?” he asks, not really paying attention.

“Can I-” a cough too strained to be normal, “can I talk to you for a minute?” he manages and something must have slipped through his voice because Alexander’s head turns at him immediately, his eyes scanning his face, his lips slowly losing his smile.

“Yes, of course.” He replies quietly and excuses himself from Eliza with a charming, but fake, smile.

He lets John lead the way and the other man heads towards the empty balcony. There are no clouds up in the sky hiding the beauty of the moon, or the stars. He notes with a small, sad smile, that under the moonlight Alex looks almost too beautiful.

A few more seconds pass and the silence around them is comfortable, albeit a bit charged.

“John?” Alex asks eventually.

The other man’s eyes are looking at the stars, his back is turned to him.

“Are you sure about what you’re about to do?” there’s no hiding, no sugarcoating the facts. He does try to keep the hurt from becoming too obvious though.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean.” He snaps at him and grips the railing in front of him, his knuckles slowly turning white. His eyes are now glaring at something below that Alex can’t see. It doesn’t matter. The glare is aimed at him either way.

A sigh escapes Hamilton’s lips.

“I need the social leverage.” He tries to reason.

“You don’t have to obtain it that way.” He replies, gritting his teeth.

“Do you have a better idea then?” the irony pisses Lauren’s off. Who does he think he is? Who told him it was okay to toy with his heart like that?

“There’s got to be something.” His voice comes out strained, desperate. He knows it. He no longer cares.

He can feel him coming closer, can hear his footsteps. They are a few inches away when he speaks.

“Why are you so fixated on this?” There’s confusion in his voice. But also something else that John can’t place.

“I-” he trails off. He doesn’t know how to answer. How could he? You don’t just tell your best friend that you’re in love with them. 

He finally turns to look at him.

Alexander’s eyes soften and there is pain in there but John can’t, for the life of him, understand why.

Alex then lifts his hand to caress the other’s cheek.

“John.” He utters, and it’s like the final blow to the wall he had built around his emotions, and they all come out flooding.

He forgets everything he had promised himself then and surges forward, crashing their lips together, tears wetting both their cheeks as they break free from his eyes.

It doesn’t last more than a few seconds and he draws back, heart pounding in his ears.

“I-I’m sorry.” He mutters, dropping his gaze and taking a step backwards, putting space between them. His hands form fists again and his lungs don’t quite cooperate with him.

“You probably hate me now.” _Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could you do that? How could you be so careless?_

He shakes his head again and closes his eyes as he turns towards the door leading inside. As he goes to leave a hand wraps around his arm, preventing his escape.

Wetting his lips and taking in a breath, he lifts his head only for his green eyes to meet Alexander’s soft brown ones. 

“God, you’re an idiot.” Alex says but his voice catches. His fingers gently brush a few stray hairs from John’s face, tacking them behind his ear.

“A clueless, beautiful idiot.” And then his lips are upon John’s, caressing, testing. The other grabs him by the collar of his shirt and brings him closer, deepening the kiss.

His other hand comes up to rest on Alexander’s cheek, his thumb caressing the soft skin.

They slowly break apart but don’t move away from each other, resting their foreheads together.

“Please don’t marry either of them.” John says then, his eyes still closed, the fear still clawing at his heart. Alex just brings him closer and wraps his arms around him.

“The only person I want to marry is the only one I can’t.” he whispers back and John grips his shirt tighter.

“I won’t marry them.” He says, knowing the countless thoughts plaguing the other’s mind.

John just buries his face in his chest. He mumbles something but it’s muffled by the fabric.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Then Laurens’ ears turn a brilliant shade of red that Alex would love to see paint his cheeks.

“I said,” he breathes, “I love you too much to just give you up.”

Alex stiffens, and his grip tightens.

“You won’t have to.” John just nods. “And John?”

“Yes, Alex?”

“I love you too.”

John’s eyes widen slightly and he kisses him again. They move slowly against each other, savoring the other’s taste, and as John’s arms come up to curl around Alex’s neck, the same time as Alex’s hug his waist, pulling him impossibly close, he knows they’ll be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughs?? Hope you liked it!


End file.
